I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There's even glitter on my cock...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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