You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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