guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
