She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize