You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
