I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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