New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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