He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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