I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
