Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he told me I talked like a deaf person
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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