The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
