life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
