Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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