and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
