My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
