You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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