I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
