and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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