And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
