Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
