well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
