you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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