The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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