Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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