It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
