Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
