You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
