he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
