she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
