We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
