it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
