I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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