She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
