Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
