I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Shame - the story of my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
