in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If its not for food we ain't going out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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