i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
