Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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