I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
