He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
last night I used snow as a chaser
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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