She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
