Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
