A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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