okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
