It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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