My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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