This is not my ceiling
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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