im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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