If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He better not be in your backpack
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
