Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
