I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am one with the molecules
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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