i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
