The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
