you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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