so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
