I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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