she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize