I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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