Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
