Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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