his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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