you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
