I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
