i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize