Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
