I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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