sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.