Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
