when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude