I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??