I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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