so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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