haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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