I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
