I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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