I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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