I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
