Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
