There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
