she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
