I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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