I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
