You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
