Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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