So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
