once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
