these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
