i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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