someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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