I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
