I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
