I smell stomach acid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
